Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize