Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
