I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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