you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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