he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
