If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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