my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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