people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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