i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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