I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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