this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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