he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
