opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
