i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
