Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How external is "for external use only"?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need to align my fucking chakras
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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