I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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