can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
