If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
