I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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