I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
