So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
