Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
