there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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