and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
