A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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