No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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