a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
