fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
