Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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