im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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