The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
