don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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