Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
