i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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