well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
