I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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