i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
