Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize