she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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