Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
