Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
