hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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