I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Everyone says I win the strip club
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
