so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
