In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize