If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B