God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation