What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form