Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY