You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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