I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion