Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!