So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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