even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
