so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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