this beer tastes like vomit already
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
