i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
