google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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