She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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