God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
