oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
