If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
