Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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