I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
