TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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