my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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