Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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