if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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