i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
