I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
