I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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