They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
