i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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